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Buzz

August 16, 2007

Note: Thinking out loud. Please do skip the read if you aren’t infinitely bored. Nothing entertaining whatsoever follows.

There’s been a lot happening of late. So much, that things done and undone whiz in my head and at some point blend into something like those yum orange squashes. This wonderful initiative to fix as many potholes of the city as possible happened on the eve of Independence Day. Sadly, I couldn’t be a part of it cos the parental units gave their firm no as it was pretty late into the night. 😦 But happily, however, I’ve convinced them to let me go the next time it happens provided I do all the house chores. Which I will. πŸ™‚ And yes, If you want to be part of this, do go to the wiki and register yourself for updates!

Now, college symposiums begin next week and there’s been a lot of mindless work to be done. That apart, the world feels somewhat disconnected rather than it’s usual claustrophobia-inducing self. I’ve been having a lot of weird feelings about some people. I guess I should chuck them aside as none of them have any semblance of plausibility. These are very confused and I don’t really want to share them with anyone. Which has of course always been my problem. 😐

Once again, I have that feeling of being an empty little box, like Kini says. That total emptiness that nags and nags you until you feel you must find something to do or you’d explode. Somehow, though I’ve been doing a LOT of things, none of them seem to make me feel worthwhile. This is the bad phase. I thought I was out of it, but not. The only thing I feel even slightly good about is my reading. Have been doing a lot of it lately – Sasthi Brata, Zadie Smith, Milan Kundera. Also discovered this wonderful poem. An excerpt:

So I would have had him leave,
So I would have had her stand and grieve,
So he would have left
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,
As the mind deserts the body it has used.
I should find
Some way incomparably light and deft,
Some way we both should understand,
Simple and faithless as a smile and a shake of the hand.
– La Figlia Che Piange (The Weeping Girl), T.S.Eliot

I love it that I’m always able to find music, poetry and books that always seem to speak of things relevant to my current psyche. It’s a blessed relief. Right now, I’ve restricted myself to about 25 tracks which keeping looping in my head or on Winamp. I can’t seem to bear listening to anything but those. There is a definitive sense of calm achieved which is very necessary to prevent me from becoming a snappy, irate and vicious person. Note to self: Find some bloody balance.

Happy thing though – all the girlfriends came home yesterday for lunch! Twas awesome day of fun talking, bonding and photo-taking! Here’s to more hours of happiness, less introspection and more activity!

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. shash permalink
    August 17, 2007 2:28 AM

    guess you are too conscious about what you are doing, you end up measuring it against an unknown scale and then wonder what it measures to.

    might not have been an entertaining post but made a good read.

    your reading habits make me envy, i tried reading the huge hindu supplement on 15th august but stopped at the second page πŸ˜›

  2. August 17, 2007 8:53 PM

    @shash:
    guess you are too conscious about what you are doing, you end up measuring it against an unknown scale and then wonder what it measures to.
    I don’t really know. I only know that what i’m currently doing isn’t what i really want to do. 😦

    ooh, and one of the big Hindu supplements on I-day were a totally good read!

  3. Sagaro permalink
    August 17, 2007 10:33 PM

    //I only know that what i’m currently doing isn’t what i really want to do.

    Is that so? That is a deadly discovery. So why are you continuing to do it?

  4. August 17, 2007 10:36 PM

    @gapp:
    uh, i’m not. it’s done.

  5. August 18, 2007 10:26 AM

    “somehow, though I’ve been doing a LOT of things, none of them seem to make me feel worthwhile.”

    I guess every single second yr engg student experiences this feeling 😐 It sucks 😐

    *smiles after re-reading TS Eliot’s ‘La Figlia Che Piange’*

  6. August 18, 2007 5:43 PM

    @nithya:
    I guess every single second yr engg student experiences this feeling…It sucks
    I swear!

    and the poem is brill, isn’t it?! πŸ˜€

  7. August 19, 2007 5:38 PM

    “I’ve been having a lot of weird feelings about some people.”
    May i misinterpret that please?? πŸ˜‰

  8. August 19, 2007 8:31 PM

    @me:
    yeah, you may πŸ˜› but pray, WHAT can you misinterpret it as? πŸ˜›

  9. September 4, 2007 4:15 PM

    Sasthi Brata, Zadie Smith I haven’t read but the next time I go to Eloor… but _Milan Kundera_. Have you read Slowness? It is the only M.K. book I’ve read and I think I’m a fan.

    I deal with Kini’s empty box syndrome by stopping everything. Just stop. Go find a nice banyan tree or some place equally people-free. And wait to explode. I’m so driven up the wall (but no wall) that I wind up doing something very… intense. Which generally equates to fulfilling. And that gets rid of the emptiness for a while. Personally I think the whole empty-thing sneaks up on you precisely when you keep doing the things you used to like to do despite the fact that it has lost meaning…. which in turn is because you are so busy running that you don’t… *actually* do what you are doing.

    *is tempted to put a-self-deprecating-attention-begging-line here*

  10. September 4, 2007 5:44 PM

    @camphor:
    you totally get THE phase. it’s like you stole my thoughts and wrote them down. πŸ™‚

    Haven’t read Slowness, but since you say, will catch it asap! What I read was The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which is again BRILL πŸ˜€

    and yes, the banyan equivalent is holing myself up in my cluttered, but strangely comforting room and watching the tree outside. happily, now the EBS has temporarily vanished. πŸ™‚

  11. September 4, 2007 9:55 PM

    The Unbearable Lightness of Being I have heard good things about. It is on a lot of people’s all time best list. I need to write down all this for the next trip to Eloor!

    Meanwhile, EBS begins. 😦 And I can’t afford to stop till Sunday at the earliest. *self pity*

  12. Sagaro permalink
    September 4, 2007 10:43 PM

    @girls:
    Can we have a conversation that can be comprehended?

  13. September 5, 2007 6:42 AM

    @camphor:
    uh-oh! run off to banyan-tree-equivalent on sunday! πŸ˜› or actually, get hold of The Unbearable… and then run off, it works soooo goot for EBS! πŸ˜€

    @gapp:
    and WHY do you need to comprehend? :/ it is comprehensible, anyway πŸ˜›

  14. Sagaro permalink
    September 5, 2007 9:11 PM

    guess what I am drunk and all this makes sense…

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