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Thought Machine

November 19, 2006

I’ve been very ill the last week – ran a temperature of 103.5ºF, had a massive coughing fit and slept for 16 hours. I’m not in love with the experience of popping pills every six hours, sleeping with your face, neck and chest smothered with Vicks. Ugh!

Anyway, after all that I’m finally getting better. So yay!

Things have been sailing along pretty nicely, what with my cousin and niece staying over for a week. It’s been super fun! Cuz and I’ve caught up on a lot of “stuff”. Déjà vu!

Long conversations remind me of my yahoo chats with sagaro. Someone reading them would go mad. I’m sure. While at one level, they seem deep and thought provoking, on another plane, they just seem silly and ridiculous. I don’t understand why. Cuz and I spent 5 hours talking about this. Sheesh. But all the same, I always enjoy these conversations. Because they always make me think and I can convince myself that “deep” thinking is productive use of my time.

I often think about why the young people were so pissed off. They aren’t satisfied with anything anymore. A bike a sixteen, a car at eighteen, a degree at twenty-one, a job after that: somehow that was a matter of course. And if you had to do without you were strange. Inferior. I mean, what’s a life without these right? I say what’s a life without fantasy. Without spontaneity. Working your fingers to the bone for something you don’t even want that much isn’t done. These are the ideals of the generation gone by. For many, these are the minimum expectations of life. But then there must be something else too. That thing, precisely, which makes life meaningful. Memorable. And that is nowhere in sight. But a few are still seeking out that which is meaningful in life. For a young person, it is better to have false ideals than no ideals at all.

I’ve also been learning Italian for awhile now, from my mum. I’d also attended a couple of classes with her. And then her teacher says that I can do the Level 1 exam and go to Level 2 directly. Awesome no?! 😀 Molto bene!! 😀

And then Nanowrimo. I scrapped my initial, pathetic attempt at a novel. I suck at fiction. Big time. I spent two weeks writing 13K odd words of fiction. Now in two days, I’ve written 14K of non-fiction. Pretty darn amazing what memory can do. And it’s so much easier to put down things like they happened, to talk about real people in your life. Real.

But then someone said, Some memories are like butterflies. If you pin them down to a page, it takes the life out of them. Hmmm. Something to think about. Or not.

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26 Comments leave one →
  1. Karthik.H permalink
    November 19, 2006 1:09 PM

    aga…orey the philosophy…

    14k in 2 dayz….:O:O:O….i’ve done just 5k in like 4 days….

    For a young person, it is better to have false ideals than no ideals at all.

    what’s with this? false ideals lead you to something you don’t even want…and you end up being forced to like it…and this prob starts wen u had those false ideals…no ideals is much much btr…

  2. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 19, 2006 1:53 PM

    //Anyway, after all that I’m finally getting better. So yay!

    Good to know you are getting better. 😀

    //Long conversations remind me of my yahoo chats with sagaro. Someone reading them would go mad.

    Most thing in life are better off in the head, unpreserved, off record. I say delete the god damn convos. Its too embarrassing 😛

    Su bambino is taking her Italian classes.. good good.

    Molto bene about the NaNoWriMo thingy. This is becoming a fashion: Give up on fiction and write non fiction. I shouldn’t have posted about my decision in my blog. Now every seems to be following it. Ah! well looks like I have been making fashion statements 😛

    //Some memories are like butterflies. If you pin them down to a page, it takes the life out of them.

    bingo, go delete the yahoo IM archives 😛

  3. Shariquehttp://www.shaarique.com permalink
    November 19, 2006 6:13 PM

    Good to know that you have now recovered. What surprised me the most is they seem deep and thought provoking, on another plane, they just seem silly and ridiculous.
    you never told me this 😛

    and everyone seems to be writing for NaNoWriMo! its the next big thing?

    And according to your analysis (or thought process) i am Inferior. I mean, what’s a life without these right? i never had a bike at 18 or a car later..i still ride cycle 😀

  4. Juggernought permalink
    November 19, 2006 6:40 PM

    I loved the way you talk about reality in the end,and I totally agree.I mean, sometimes you just have to wonder,with lives like ours, why do we need reality TV?:D

    And,glad to hear that you’re not sick anymore..coughing fits sound horrible!

  5. November 19, 2006 9:18 PM

    @kar:
    no ideals anyway means you’re shoved into something or the other invariably!! so which’s better? 🙂

    @sagaro:
    convos stay in archives. 😀 and non-fiction is not fashion – and i started writing BEFORE yourpost!! 🙂

    and anyway, Su bambino?? =))

    @sharique:
    you should read the convos!!!! then you’ll understand…may be i’ll pass them to you sometime!! 😀

    hey, and that’s not my analysis – that’s the mentality of the junta. which is dumb. thassal. 🙂

    @juggernought:
    coughing fits ARE horrible! ugh!

    and IMO reality TV is actually not reality at all. i mean, it’s always someone asking someone else to do something – it’s never spontaneous. no one ever shows what people do when they’re let loose. reality TV still goes by rules. and that’s not reality at all, is it?? 🙂

  6. November 19, 2006 9:59 PM

    Stop writing abt REAL people!!!

    And now that uve scrapped that first novel, u can let me read it.

  7. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 19, 2006 10:04 PM

    @Me:
    After me… 😛

  8. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 19, 2006 10:08 PM

    oops.. when I said “after me” I meant After ME … where me is Sagaro (me).

    So the sentence reads… you get to read the book only after Sagaro.

    Just wondering, having a handle like “me”… is that bookable under the ‘impersonation’ offense. I mean me is actually taking my position when I say me. Okay this is getting bloody confusing…

  9. Karthik.H permalink
    November 19, 2006 11:36 PM

    @s

    actually…no ideals means u can concentrate on wat u want…withoout being forced by anybody…and isnt tat a relief at our age?…like dats wat v want, isnt it?

    and one more thing…i think the best thing one can learn frm thier parents is how to be and how not to be a parent…will help us a lot wen v r at the other end of the teenager vs parent issue…

    and I believe tat ideals or no ideals…a person does wat he is meant to do…and nobody can change that…not even him/her self…

    aga…too much philosophy doing the rounds this time…

  10. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 20, 2006 11:31 AM

    @Karthik:
    “a person does wat he is meant to do

    First learn why a person must do what he means to do rather than do what he is meant to do. Than we can speak of philosophy and ideals.

    Without ideals (good or bad), you end up doing what you are supposed to do. You think what you are supposed to think. You say sorry to your HOD cauze the situation implies you are supposed to say sorry (even if you don’t mean it). In short you are a puppet.

    But when you have ideals (right/false), you do what you mean to do, you think what you want to think, you say what you want to say. Isn’t that a far better way to respect yourself than be a “clockwork orange”.

    And again, contradicting myself and yourself, you think those ideals are false because you are supposed to think those ideals are false. May be those ideals are after all good. The society has proved not once, not twice, but a million times that it is capable of screwing up and being horribly wrong. So stop being a society man and have some ideals.

    There is after all nothing wrong and nothing right. Its all ethics. And ethics is nothing but the study of the way majority of people want the world to be. But ethics is not how the world is, its just how people want the world to be (it may be good, it may be bad). So don’t give ethics too much thought… its plain bullshit.

  11. Karthik.H permalink
    November 20, 2006 10:48 PM

    @Sagaro

    you think those ideals are false because you are supposed to think those ideals are false

    dude…i guess one’s life is meant to go in a certain way cos God decided so when he sent him/her to this earth…and no matter whether ur ideals r true/false or do not exist at all…you end up doing what God wants you to do….and ultimately isn’t everybody a puppet at God’s hands?

    people can’t free themselves from the strings and if u r meant to do what God wants you to, why can’t you live with no ideals rather than false ideals?

    i believe that false ideals may lead you to a different way…and to get back to the right way(one that god wants you to adopt) you’ve gotto suffer a lot…in terms of sadness and losses(emotional)…

    why end up suffering when you have the liberty to choose rong/right or no ideals at all?

  12. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 20, 2006 11:29 PM

    @Karthik:

    Lets logically argue your statements:

    //i guess one’s life is meant to go in a certain way cos God decided so when he sent him/her to this earth

    My theory: You think god bastard exists cauze you are supposed to think he exists. I say there is no god.

    Your theory: I am hoping you are a Hindu, cauze my explaination involves quite a bit of the bagavath gita (The holy what not of Hindu religion). Lets assume god does exist. Like you said, we are puppets of the god. We ultimately do what the god wants us to do. So lets say I kill you tomorrow. The court which makes me pledge over the Bhagavath Gita, sentences me to a lifetime confinement. Now the god bastard wanted me to kill you in his puppet show. Which is fine by me. But then he also made the court punish me. Now why would god want to do that? Is he a sadist? Why else would he choose me to kill you and not Suraksha? So he is being partial. But the god bastard is omnipotent and impartial. Since we have a contradiction, by godels fifth rule, which states “When a set of logical statements defining a system, fails its own system logically, then the set of logical statements no longer define the system” (Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem). This implies the god bastard doesn’t exist.

    //people can’t free themselves from the strings and if u r meant to do what God wants you to, why can’t you live with no ideals rather than false ideals

    Let me rephrase the sentence: people can’t free themselves from the strings and if u r meant to do what God wants you to, why can’t you live with any education rather than slog four years in a college.

    And for goodness sakes, why the hell are you talking about doing what god wants you to do. You should do what you want to do. You mean to say god is a tyrant. No free will. We all do what that bastard wants us to do. No freedom, no free will… is this the USSR???

    //i believe that false ideals may lead you to a different way

    You don’t know whether your ideal is true or false till you have taken it up. So stop saying false ideals again and again. Nothing in this world is false. Its just a matter of perception which keeps changing. Having 2 wives may be false to you, but not to a Persian. So quit on that load of bollocks.

    Having no style is having a style. Having no ideals is having an ideal. Think about it…

    @Su:
    I am guessing, thing might turn out to be one of those 100 comment posts :P. This is exactly why you should be in WordPress… Such posts can be made into forums…

  13. Karthik.H permalink
    November 21, 2006 1:04 PM

    @S

    macha…questioning the existence of god puts a huge blot on how we lead our lives…

    i am not a religious person…and neither am i an aethist…sometimes i wonder y god dus this to us..but i feel there’s sumthin gud in everythin…remember tat minister dude who gets sent to prison jus cos he tried a philosophical one liner wen the king cut his thumb?…its the same way…wen v r able to realize that everythin that goes around is for the good…which may b realized aftr years and years…we can live in peace

    and also…u jus hafta read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is u havnt read it…thn we’ll start talkin mate…

    and comin to the realization of the nature of the ideals…i guess i am reminded of that poem by robert frost..the road not taken…

    every experience is a learnin exp in its own way…if i am typing this here…its for sumthin att mite b useful for me/u/ones who read this in the future…and if u r laughing at how much of a senseless jerk i am…tat mite b useful for u in the future too…u jus mite reconsider killin such a psycho…:D…

    and bout tat killing…he wants u to get punished cos he wants u to realize tat killin is a sin…u mite b knowing tat now…sum ppl like me…who havnt even tasted coffee…wud hav a prejudice in their minds sayin coffee has da worsht ever taste…i mite b rong…and i mite b true also…wat mite b a heavenly taste for u mite taste like shit to me…and this brings us bak to the wives matter…and ya…las month a debate was conducted in my coll..

    i was given the topic “fashion and youth, from culture to cultureless”…and i spoke against the topic and won 1st…y do i say this?…jus don temme to luk at stuff frm others’ perspectives…i won the bloody thing knowing what ever crap i was mumbling atop the stage was pure crap…

  14. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 21, 2006 2:11 PM

    //u jus hafta read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is u havnt read it…thn we’ll start talkin mate…

    Alchemist, the bagavath gita etc. are books writen by authors who are as good as you and me – flesh and blood. We don’t have to read their books to understand life cauze they might in the first place be horribly wrong. That said, most of your argument is like plain bullshit. I guess you are doing that same “i won the bloody thing knowing what ever crap i was mumbling atop the stage was pure crap…” But here I guess you don’t have the dumb judges who would agree to all that you crap.

    //and bout tat killing…he wants u to get punished cos he wants u to realize tat killin is a sin

    Read my comment. Understand it and answer it. Let me repeat in a more understandable form, my argument: God decided how and when you should die. He decided you should get hit by a bullet. Now he needs a person to do that. He chose me! And I killed you with the gun. And then god bastard thought well my work is over let me be sadistic and torture this poor soul whom I chose, by putting him in jail. But why couldn’t god chose someone else instead of me to kill you? Why should I reflect on my sins? It could have been anyone else. This implies god is unfair.

    //wud hav a prejudice in their minds sayin coffee has da worsht ever taste

    Brilliant! See there is nothing good or bad, its just that we are prejudiced against a few things. For instance the Brahmins think it is a sin to eat a turkey. Where as for the Christians turkey is like a holy food on the thanksgiving day.

    This implies, that we think what we are supposed to think (back to square one). If I am born a brahmin, I would have never tasted a turkey, but I would think it is bad to eat it. Cauze my parents and society would have fed me the prejudice against Turkey. This implies, we must start thinking for ourselves and question every damn thing we have been fed from our young age. Again! Read my previous comment. There is nothing good or bad. Everything is just our perspectives and prejudices. And you haven’t answered the part where it says, there is nothing called no ideal.

  15. Karthik.H permalink
    November 21, 2006 10:21 PM

    Why should I reflect on my sins? It could have been anyone else. This implies god is unfair.

    so u mean to say tat if u do a sin amd u get punished…its rong…but if sumboyd else who dus tat and he gets punished…tat’s correct?tat dusnt make god a sadist?

  16. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 21, 2006 10:53 PM

    @Karthik:
    “so u mean to say tat if u do a sin amd u get punished…its rong…but if sumboyd else who dus tat and he gets punished…tat’s correct?tat dusnt make god a sadist?”

    Stop putting mokkai da. Dude! Are you logically challenged or something?

    I am NOT saying that someone else gets punished its correct. Let me put it in a stateboard style way for you to understand:

    I own a company. I have ten men working under me who carry out my orders. Now I call the 6th person and order him to burn a set of documents. He does it. But then I punish him for he burnt a set of important documents.

    I = god.
    6th person = me
    document = you
    5th person = Suraksha.

    The point is the god bastard chose me to do it, and now he is punishing me, even though he chose me to do that job. Got that smarty pants? We are speaking ethics right. And if you didn’t get this spoon fed argument. Dude I don’t wanna waste my time arguing with a low IQ like you. Sheesh… They must ban all the state board schools. Standards are dropping….

  17. Karthik.H permalink
    November 22, 2006 11:20 AM

    wokay…first of all…lemme rephrase my stuff…

    u say tat god’s a sadist cos he chose u to kill me AND punished u…

    i say tat he chose u cos he needed sumone to kill me…it cud’ve been anybody…u, suraksha or even the head of blogger…he must’ve had sum reasons to hav chosen u…u mite’ve dun sumthin in ur previous life tat made him choose u…and since he thinks tat u weren’t punished enuf in da previous birth…her gets u to commit a crime and gets u punished too…

    get tat?…and FYI…am frm CBSE…all 14 yrs of schoolin…

  18. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 22, 2006 12:32 PM

    Karthik:

    Thanks for rephrasing my statement back to me. It could have been anyone. Brilliant! Great!

    Ok So now we are talking about my previous birth. Cool! Well, everything has a start. Now, in my previous birth I did something wrong, like say I killed another person (Mr. X) in my previous janam and God couldnt punish me enough. So he chooses me to kill you in this janam so he can punish me again.

    But then in the previous janam (p – 1 janam) he chose me because I must have again done something wrong in p-2 janam (like say I killed Y), cauze he chose me to kill Mr. X.

    This iterative process goes on till my second janam. In my second janam I am chosen to do a bad stuff by god, cauze in the first janam I did a bad stuff (like kill Mr. N) and I didn’t get punished. But it all comes down to this: Why did he chose me in the first place in my first janam to kill Mr. N???

    Listen to me, and listen to me good cauze I am not going to repeat this again: I am not saying you are not from CBSE, I am not saying you are stateboarders are dumb. All I am saying is if a person was smart he wouldn’t require me to explain the intermediate steps like in my past 3 comments when I just say “Now the god bastard wanted me to kill you in his puppet show. Which is fine by me. But then he also made the court punish me.” He would know what the intermediate steps are and the full analysis of the statement, even without me explaining it.

    And he most certainly wouldn’t repeat my point “i say tat he chose u cos he needed sumone to kill me…it cud’ve been anybody…u, suraksha or even the head of blogger”. Thats my point, my argument. Fine….

    And do us all a favor… before spamming this place with your another set of juvenile comment, go thro’ all the previous comments patiently. It might finally strike. Its not tough for a CBSE student. Trust me 😀

  19. Karthik.H permalink
    November 22, 2006 9:25 PM

    ok…my comments mite b juvenile…but i believe i am talkin sense…it just mite b tat i cant put it properly…

  20. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 22, 2006 11:43 PM

    @Karthik:
    Chillax. Typing sucked any ways… hehe… may be we will talk it out some day… 😀

  21. Karthik.H permalink
    November 23, 2006 9:32 PM

    @sagaro

    will do buddy…

  22. November 24, 2006 7:17 PM

    @sagaro and kar:
    cannot quite believe self’s blog has been misused to have such pointless convos. ugh!

    haven’t had patience enough to read them all, btw. 😐

  23. Sagarohttp://gapp.wordpress.com permalink
    November 25, 2006 1:10 AM

    “haven’t had patience enough to read them all, btw. :|”

    How did you conclude there were useless convos then?

  24. Karthik.H permalink
    November 25, 2006 1:58 AM

    @sagaro

    i guess knowing bout both of us…she musta cum to dat conclusion….its s rong one anywayz…

  25. December 2, 2006 8:47 PM

    @sagaro:
    did you notice the ALL in the sentence or am i expecting too much of you? 🙂
    read some, said WTF! and decided not to read on! 😀

    @kar:
    oh, i’m sure! :O

  26. December 27, 2006 5:59 PM

    Sagaro:

    God does play dice with the universe 😉

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